Eulogy questions

A eulogy is a speech or piece of writing that praises someone, most often someone who has died. Merriam-Webster defines it as "a commendatory oration or writing especially in honor of one deceased," and it can also mean high praise in general. In everyday use, when people say "eulogy," they almost always mean the speech given at a funeral or memorial. Giving one is called "eulogizing" someone.

It comes from the Greek word eulogia, meaning praise. The Greek joins eu- (good) and -logia (speech), so a eulogy is, quite literally, good words. The word reached English through Medieval Latin eulogium and has been used since the 15th century, according to Merriam-Webster.

An obituary is written. Merriam-Webster calls it "a notice of a person's death usually with a short biographical account," and it's usually published in a newspaper or online with the service details. A eulogy is spoken, and it's more personal. The obituary tells people what happened and when to gather. The eulogy tells them who the person was. See How to Write an Obituary.

An elegy is a poem or song of mourning for someone who has died. A eulogy is a speech. You can read an elegy as part of a eulogy, or on its own as a reading. For public-domain choices, see Funeral Poems.

A homily is a usually short sermon given by a member of the clergy. At a funeral, it focuses on faith, the readings and hope, rather than on the person's life story. A eulogy is about the person. In the Catholic Church, the funeral homily is meant to be a homily and not a eulogy. See the Catholic question below.

The two words are often used to mean the same thing. "Tribute" is common at secular services and celebrations of life, and it can be a little looser: a short speech, a reading, a song or a slideshow. See Celebration of Life Ideas.

There's no rule. Most often it's a close family member, such as a child, spouse or sibling, or a close friend. Sometimes the clergy member or celebrant gives it, using stories the family shares. If the person left wishes about who should speak, families usually try to honor them.

Yes. Many services have two or three speakers. If you're sharing the time, agree on how long each person will speak, and split the topics so you don't tell the same stories, for example family life, work, and friendship. Some faith services ask for just one brief speaker, so check first. For other ways to take part, see Funeral Speech.

That's all right, and you can say so. You can still write the eulogy and ask a relative, friend, clergy member or celebrant to read it for you. You could also print it in the service program, share it at the reception, or write a letter to the person and keep it. No one who loves you will think less of you.

Say so plainly, then lean on others. Ask family and friends for a story or two, and tell people where they came from: "His daughter told me…" A short, honest eulogy is better than a long one that guesses. See the sample for a neighbor in Short Eulogy Examples.

A simple path works for almost everyone. Say who you are, describe who they were, tell one or two stories that show it, say what they leave behind, and end with a goodbye. Small, true details, like a phrase they always said, mean more than a list of achievements. See Tips for Writing a Eulogy and Eulogy Examples.

Yes, if it fits the person and the room. Light, loving humor helps people breathe, and laughter often comes right alongside tears. Keep it kind, tell stories the person would have enjoyed hearing, and steer clear of jokes that need inside knowledge or might embarrass anyone.

You can be honest without being harsh. It's fine to say someone was stubborn or not always easy, and most people in the room already know. Leave out private or painful details unless the family has agreed. If writing feels impossible right now, Why Is a Eulogy So Difficult to Write? may help. Some people also find a book of sample eulogies useful. Top 5 Eulogy Writing Books

Many eulogies run about 3 to 5 minutes. A spoken minute is about 125 to 150 words, so that's roughly 375 to 750 words. A short eulogy of 1 to 2 minutes is a full and loving tribute, especially when several people are speaking. Ask the person leading the service whether there's a time limit. For brief samples, see Short Eulogy Examples.

Read it. Almost everyone does, and no one expects you to memorize it. Print it in large type with space between paragraphs. If you read from a phone, turn on Do Not Disturb, stop the screen from going dark, and keep a printed copy in your pocket.

It's normal, and the room will understand. Stop, breathe, take a sip of water and find your place on the page. If you can't go on, hand your copy to your backup reader. Choose one before the service, just in case.

Usually only in a brief form, and practice varies by parish and diocese. The Church's Order of Christian Funerals says the homily at the funeral liturgy should never be a eulogy, but it allows a family member or friend to speak in remembrance before the final commendation. Many parishes ask for one speaker and a few minutes. The Diocese of Erie, for example, asks for about three to five minutes. A longer eulogy often fits better at the vigil (wake), the graveside or the reception. Ask your parish before you write.

Yes. A Jewish eulogy is called a hesped. The rabbi often gives it, using what the family shares, and family members and friends may speak too. It's meant to be truthful and loving, without exaggerated praise, and it's usually kept brief.

No. A Muslim funeral centers on a short funeral prayer rather than eulogies, so families and friends often share memories with the family at home during the days of condolence that follow. Hindu and Buddhist customs vary by tradition and family. Secular and humanist services often center on a tribute. When in doubt, ask whoever is leading the service. See Funeral Speech for who usually speaks in several traditions.

Yes, and many families do. A pet's life deserves to be remembered out loud. A pet eulogy is usually short and shared at home, in the yard or at a small family gathering. Say their name, share a habit or two that made them theirs, and thank them. Children often like to add a memory or a drawing. See the pet sample in Short Eulogy Examples and more ideas in Pet Memorial Ideas.

Ready to start writing? Take your time on paper with the eulogy workbook.