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How to Know When It's Time to Say Goodbye to Your Pet

Pet loss · 9 min read · First published 2026 · Updated November 2026

A cat asleep in a patch of sun on a wooden floor
Photo by Ethan Grey on Unsplash

If you are asking this question, you are probably watching your animal slow down, hurt or change, and carrying a weight that no one else in the house can quite share. Go easy on yourself. You are asking because you love them.

There is no test that gives a perfect answer. But there are tools that many families and veterinarians use to see more clearly, and they can make the decision feel less like a leap in the dark.

Key points

  • No one can make this choice for you, but your veterinarian can help you see how your pet is really doing.
  • Good questions to ask: Can they still do the things they love? Do they respond to you in their usual ways? Is pain under control? Are there more good days than bad?
  • A quality of life scale, such as the HHHHHMM scale by veterinarian Dr. Alice Villalobos, puts those questions on paper so you aren't relying on a feeling alone.
  • Marking each day as "good" or "bad" on a calendar helps when everything blurs together.
  • There is rarely a perfect day. Choosing a peaceful goodbye before a crisis is an act of love, not a failure.

Start with the questions your pet is answering for you

The American Veterinary Medical Association says you may need to consider euthanasia when a pet can no longer enjoy the things they once did, cannot respond to you in their usual ways, or seems to have more pain than pleasure. A simple question it offers is: "Does my pet have more bad days than good days?"

Take a quiet moment and ask yourself:

  • What were the three or four things my pet loved most? Can they still do them?
  • Are they eating and drinking, or turning away from food they used to love?
  • Are they in pain that medication no longer eases?
  • Can they stand, walk and get comfortable, or are they struggling to rise and falling?
  • Are they breathing easily?
  • Are they keeping clean, or having accidents they seem upset about?
  • Do they still seek you out, wag, purr, look at you and enjoy being touched?
  • Have they withdrawn, hidden or seemed anxious and confused?

If most of your answers make your heart sink, you are probably already seeing what you need to see.

The HHHHHMM quality of life scale

Dr. Alice Villalobos, a veterinarian who has spent much of her career in animal cancer care and pet hospice, created a scale that many veterinarians use. Its name comes from seven things to look at:

  1. Hurt. Is pain controlled, and can your pet breathe comfortably? Dr. Villalobos puts this first, saying that pain control and breathing outweigh all the others.
  2. Hunger. Is your pet eating enough? Would hand-feeding or a special diet help?
  3. Hydration. Is your pet drinking enough? Some pets who are not drinking can be helped with fluids given under the skin.
  4. Hygiene. Can your pet stay clean? Can they move away from accidents? Bedridden animals need soft bedding and regular turning to prevent sores.
  5. Happiness. Does your pet still show interest, joy, and response to you and their favorite things? Or do they seem lonely, depressed, anxious, bored or afraid?
  6. Mobility. Can they get up by themselves and want to walk? Many animals with limited movement still have a good life with help, such as slings, harnesses or a cart, if their people are able to give that help.
  7. More good days than bad. When bad days outnumber good days, quality of life may be too low. When the bond between you and your pet can no longer be enjoyed, the end is near.

Each item is scored up to 10, with 10 being best, for a top score of 70. In Dr. Villalobos's version, each item is scored from 0 to 10, and a total over 35 means quality of life is acceptable for continuing hospice care. VCA Animal Hospitals' version scores each item from 1 to 10 and adds that each one should score above 5. Your veterinarian can help you fill it in.

A few honest notes about any scale:

  • It is a guide, not a verdict. A number cannot hold your whole relationship.
  • Pain and breathing come first. A pet who cannot breathe comfortably or whose pain can't be controlled is suffering, whatever the other scores say.
  • You can fill it in more than once, say weekly, and watch the direction. A downward slide tells you something.
  • Lap of Love, a network of in-home hospice veterinarians, has a Quality-of-Life Scale you can download from its website.

The good day and bad day calendar

When you love someone who is declining, one hard night can erase the memory of a lovely morning. A calendar helps you see the truth.

Each evening, mark the day as good or bad. A good day might be one where your pet ate, enjoyed something and was mostly comfortable. A bad day is one where pain, fear or struggle took over. Write a word or two if you like. After a couple of weeks, you will see a pattern.

If bad days are starting to outnumber good ones, or the good days are getting fewer and further between, that is important information. Share the calendar with your veterinarian.

Signs that deserve a call to your veterinarian

VCA's veterinary guidance says bad days may mean nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, seizures, frustration, pain or discomfort that doesn't let up, or not being able to breathe. Other changes worth noticing include refusing food for more than a day or two, not being able to stand or walk, hiding, restlessness at night, pacing, and a loss of interest in family.

If your pet has labored breathing, collapses, has a seizure that doesn't stop, or seems to be in severe pain, call your veterinarian or an emergency clinic right away. Do not wait for a better time.

Cats often hide pain, so changes in a cat can be subtle. Cornell's Feline Health Center mentions slowing down, withdrawing, grooming less, trouble getting in and out of the litter box, and avoiding stairs.

Talk with your veterinarian

Your veterinarian cannot make the decision for you, but they can do what you can't. They can examine your pet, tell you what to expect from the illness, and say honestly whether more treatment is likely to help or only prolong a hard time. They can also explain what comfort care and pet hospice can offer.

Some questions to bring:

  • What is happening in my pet's body, and what will the next weeks likely look like?
  • Is there any pain or distress we are not yet controlling?
  • If it were your animal, what would you be thinking about?
  • What would a crisis look like, and what could we do to avoid it?
  • If we wait a little longer, what do we need to watch for?

VCA's guidance also points out that, with supportive care and minimal expense, options may be available for problems that seem unmanageable, so it is worth asking before you decide. And if the cost of treatment is a worry, say so. AVMA acknowledges that treatment costs "beyond your means," financially or emotionally, are a real part of the decision for many families. See pet euthanasia cost for help.

There is rarely a perfect day

Many people hope their pet will "tell" them, or that the day will be unmistakable. Sometimes it is. More often, the decision sits in the gray area between a pet who is not suffering terribly and one who has stopped being themselves.

You may hear people say it is better to let go a week too early than a day too late. Others wait because they cannot bear it. Neither makes you a bad person. What matters is that you are thinking about your pet's comfort and not only your own pain.

If you decide to wait a few more days, make them peaceful ones. Favorite foods, quiet cuddles, sun on the floor, short walks if they can. A "last good day" doesn't need to be a grand event. Some families plan a day of favorite things and then call the veterinarian for the next morning.

Anticipatory grief is real

You may already be grieving. Mourning someone who is still alive, sometimes called anticipatory grief, is a normal response to knowing a loss is coming. You may cry at odd times, feel tired, snap at people, or feel numb. You may also feel guilt for thinking about life afterward. All of this is part of loving someone you are about to lose.

You don't have to carry it alone. Tell your family what you are feeling. Some pet loss lines are there before a death, too. The Tufts University Pet Loss Support Hotline (508-839-7966) says it is there for people facing decisions about euthanasia and the death of their pet. It is staffed Monday to Thursday evenings, 6 to 9 pm Eastern, with a 24-hour voicemail. See coping with the loss of a pet for more support lines and groups.

When you have decided

If you have decided, you have done something brave. in-home pet euthanasia explains what the day might look like, whether you choose a clinic or a visit at home. And please remember that the guilt many people feel afterward is part of grief, not proof that you chose wrong.

Sources

Written by Words to Comfort

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