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Returning to Work After a Loss

Grief · 7 min read · First published 2003 · Updated November 2026

A cup of coffee on a saucer on a wooden table beside a teal cushion
Photo by Maria Orlova on Unsplash

Losing someone you love can turn your daily life upside down. Going back to work can be especially hard. Employers often give a few days off for bereavement, but how much time you get depends on your employer and sometimes on your state. Many people do not get enough paid time to truly grieve. Because most of us have bills to pay, deciding when to return can feel impossible. However much time you have, going back will likely stir up emotions.

What to know about time off

In the United States, no federal law requires employers to give you time off, paid or unpaid, when someone dies. The Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA) does not list bereavement as a reason for leave. It may apply in some limited cases, such as when a serious health condition of your own (for example, a severe depression that follows a loss) keeps you from working, but it is not meant for time to mourn.

A small number of states do require some bereavement time. As of late 2026, these are the main ones:

  • California: up to 5 days within three months of the death, for employers with 5 or more employees, once you have worked there 30 days. The law does not require pay, but you can use vacation, sick or other paid time you have earned.
  • Illinois: up to 2 weeks of unpaid leave for employers with 50 or more employees. Parents whose child died by suicide or homicide can take longer: up to 6 weeks, or 12 weeks at employers with 250 or more full-time workers in Illinois.
  • Oregon: up to 2 weeks per family member who dies (no more than 4 weeks a year), taken within 60 days, for employers with 25 or more employees. It is unpaid unless you use paid leave.
  • Washington: the state's Paid Family and Medical Leave program does not cover bereavement in general. Parents who lose a child can use up to 7 days of family leave if they would have qualified for medical or bonding leave for that child.
  • Vermont: since July 1, 2025, up to 2 weeks of unpaid leave in any 12 months, with no more than 5 workdays taken in a row, for employers with 10 or more employees. The leave must be taken within a year of the death.
  • Maryland: you can use paid leave you have already earned. It does not create new leave.

Rules change often and have conditions such as employer size and how long you have worked there, so please check your state labor department's website. Some other states, like Colorado and Minnesota, let you use earned sick time for bereavement or to attend a funeral. Many employers also offer more than the law requires, so read your handbook or ask HR about "bereavement" and "sick" and "personal" days.

If you lost a pet, you may find that your employer has no policy at all, and it can feel awkward to ask. Some employers will let you use a sick or personal day. It is okay to say simply, "I had a death in my family and I need a day."

Why going back is hard

Several fears can make us put off going back. We may not know how our co-workers will act. After hearing condolences over and over for days, it can be draining to go through it again with a whole new group of people. We may not want to answer questions about what happened. Co-workers do not mean to hurt us, but their questions can bring the pain right back. Even when everyone is kind, we can feel we are being treated differently. Some people will avoid you out of fear of saying the wrong thing, and may seem distant. Try not to take it personally. They may be as uncomfortable as you are. Things will settle in time.

Another hard part is our own emotional state. We may not know how we will act or how grief will affect our work. Grief can make it hard to concentrate, and our minds may drift to everything that happened. Leaving work suddenly can make returning more stressful. There may be tasks to catch up on and loose ends to tie up, and it is easy to feel overwhelmed when you think about how far behind you are. Concentration and motivation often suffer during bereavement. You may feel mentally and physically exhausted and unable to make an impact. Depression, which sometimes follows a loss, can also make us feel numb about work and our relationships there.

If your sadness feels too heavy, or you have thoughts of harming yourself, please call or text 988 (the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline in the U.S.) any time, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Outside the U.S., findahelpline.com lists local lines.

Making it easier

What you are feeling is normal, and it will ease with time. In the meantime, a few things can help.

It is very important to talk with your employer so you both know what to expect. If your company has a Human Resources department, stop by and ask what is available. Many employers offer an Employee Assistance Program (EAP), which often includes a few free, confidential counseling sessions for you and sometimes your family, and HR can usually help you talk with your manager if you do not want to do it alone.

Talk with your supervisor about your workload when you return. If you find yourself too far behind, ask for help. If you feel particularly uncomfortable, ask about coming back for a few half days before going full time. If your job is remote or hybrid, ask about working from home for your first days back, or turning your camera off for a bit. Working from home can give you privacy to take a break and cry when you need to, though it can also feel lonely, so let a trusted co-worker know how you are doing.

Above all, pay attention to how you feel and do not push yourself too hard. It is tempting to throw yourself into work so you do not have to feel anything, but sooner or later you will need to deal with your emotions. Find a quiet place to step away and cry or reflect on your own if you need to. Take it slowly, give yourself frequent breaks, and keep talking with your employer. Nobody expects you to return as though nothing happened. Grieving takes time. Be patient with yourself and with others while you heal.

Sources

Written by Words to Comfort

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